Word of the Day (POWER)

Okay folks, here's the word of the day.  POWER.  Yep, I'm starting a new segment and I'm coming out guns blazing.  Some days it'll be educational (defenestration anyone?)  Other days, it'll be one of those "life influencing" words.  And today, the heavy hitter is POWER. 

This seemingly obvious word carries with it some heavy concepts.  Some are right up front, and some are a little more subdued.  But the reality about power is that it is the driving force behind how we relate CHOICE in our lives.  And I know, my epiphany blog never called CHOICE the word of the day....but it was....so sue me.  Anyway, the word power can mean a host of things, from what comes out of a power plant, to the control being exerted by one object over another.  The latter one is the focus of where I am going to take this post from here.

We all have power.  Some of us have more than others, say the President, but ultimately we all live in a world where we are power brokers.  When we take a position as a subordinate at a company, we give our supervisors the power to direct our energies at certain projects.  Likewise, when we take a supervisory role, we are given the power by our bosses to direct the actions of our subordinates to accomplish tasks.  It's all power brokering. 

Those examples are obviously very simple and straight forward.  But I pose this hypothetical to you.  You're driving through the mall parking lot, looking for a space and as you are approaching the front, you see one right near the entrance.  Your lucky day.  As you are pulling toward it, someone slips in the wrong way and takes it from you.  Your temper flares and you get angry.  Who can blame you?  Not me, I assure you.  This instinctual reaction to such a flagrant example of flaunting social protocols and safety is not something you can control.  But after the surge, you do have a choice.  You can:

- Drive on pissed off at the world
- Mutter something under your breath about asses and holes
- Scream at the person
- Wait patiently and then key their car
- Pull a Kathy Bates (assuming you have the insurance)

All the examples above (and a million more) speak to POWER, and your choice of how to take control of the situation.  Power will play two roles in this scenario.  First, is how any direct action on your part will wrestle control from the other individual.  If you key their car for example, you've exerted your POWER onto them and acted as the powerful hammer of the karma Gods.  And yeah...I know karma doesn't work that way, but go with me here.  Your second influence of POWER comes when you drive away from the situation and where your mind is at.  You have the POWER to dictate your own reaction to it.  If you just fume, and drive away, you've given the person the POWER to turn your energies negative.  If you key their car and drive away laughing...you've wrestled the POWER back to your side because you get to feel like you came out ahead.  And no, I'm not advising vandalism as a viable source of retribution.  But if it gets your head straight, I won't call the cops.  Even if all you do is take 5 deep breaths and wish that said individual be struck by a bus tomorrow.  As long as you drive away saying anything along the lines of "I won't let that moron control how I feel for more than the next 3 seconds", congratulations.  You've grabbed the POWER by the teeth and yanked it back onto your side.

Above all, remember that you are always a player in the power broker market.  You buy,  you sell, you trade.  It's all give and take.  But nothing.  I repeat...NOTHING is so satisfying (in the game of power playing) than to look someone in the eye who is trying to take POWER from you, and effortlessly take it right back.  An example from my own recent past.

I got some new earrings in a few weeks back.  Beautiful abalone plugs that I put in immediately.  I had them in for a day or two when I finally ended up interacting with a guy here at work. 

"Anyone tell you how pretty you look with those little earrings in?"

What a sentence.  Every word drips with sarcasm and an obvious attempt to shame me, thus causing me to abandon my choice of style and thus give him the POWER.  There were three ways to go with this.  First involves me taking them out because I don't want to feel ashamed.  The second is to laugh it off, and get mad inside and hold a grudge.  The third is to turn the tables.  What did I say?

"Just my wife.  She loves them, says they bring out the color in my eyes."

The look on his face was priceless.  In one fell swoop I grabbed his whole bully tactic and turned it on his head.  Standing there in front of his peers, he was reduced to stuttering and eventual retreat with his tail between his legs.  Guess we know who came out ahead in that POWER struggle. 

The point is folks, don't give people power over you.  And if they try and take it, don't let them.  Sure, some situations are designed to take power unilaterally.  Boot camp is a good example of one.  But even there, with your drill seargeant screaming in your face...you can stand there and smile.  I mean a big old $h!t eating grin.  As his blood pressure goes up and up and up....and his voice gets louder and louder and louder.  Just keep on smiling.  He's trying to berate you, to devalue you, ultimately to break you.  So don't let him.  Don't budge.  If he tells you to wipe that smile off your face, do it.  But keep smiling in your eyes.  He'll see it.

"What are you smiling about?!?!?!"
"Because I'm alive"

<<<EXTRA CREDIT>>>

Okay boys and girls, here is a little assignment for you.  I want you to find a local therapist, someone you know would be best.  I want you to contact them and tell them you're going to do a little social experiment and you want to know if they have a couple dozen business cards you can have.  Tell them that what you're gonna do is the next time you get into a confrontation with someone who is spun to high heaven you're going to calmly back down, tell the other person to relax because you're sorry that you got them so heated, and then hand them the business card and say:

"This guy is a friend of mine, and he's really good at dealing with these sorts of issues...you should give him a call"

And yeah, that's a LOT of effort for something so simple, but if you want the partial credit try this instead...

Using the parking space example, let's try this.  Calmly approach the person and inform them that you were waiting for that spot.  What if they apologize and say they didn't realize and back out and give it to you?  Wouldn't you feel like fricking Superman?  More likely scenario is they will give a flippant response.  Here's what you're gonna do.  Come back with an equally flippant remark.  Bait them.  If they just walk away you've already won because they are retreating from the confrontation.  And guess what?  You're Superman.  Or, if they actually engage you and get all tweaked by your remark, here's what you say.
"Wow dude.  Calm down.  I'm sorry.  I didn't realize that you were such a miserable person, living in such a shallow world, where this TINY victory is something for you to hang your hat on tonight.  Truly.  I'm very sorry."

Say all that with a calm, straight face.  Don't be shitty or sarcastic.  Even better is if you can say it with the air of a person who is genuinely concerned with the state of affairs of their life. 

And then........walk away.  As they sit there in stunned silence, watching you walk away, your bright red cape flapping in the wind, smile my friends.  A big old smile.